My abusive boyfriend is it really all his fault?

Ok I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he has punched kicked slapped pulled hair choked me ect ect now I no I should leave or should have left already but I haven't, so please don't just answer by saying that. I left my husband who I have 3 children by and have had 2 more children with this boyfriend. My dad is a evil man who has mentally abused me untill I moved out at 16. He is breaking my mum and this is why I've started looking in to mental abuse. I now realise he has caused me to feel the way that I do as a adult. And possibly why I've allowed my relationship to carry on knowing it's wrong. My boyfriend has said some shocking things to me, and I didn't realise how much he was ******* my head up untill reading a page explaining the cycleof mental and physical abuse, and every little part was him, I come across as strong confident and the one that wears the trousers, I read the page to my bf and it wound him up, he said I was trying to turn it all on him. I'm not totally innocent. And I'm not a typical battered wife here. I do stand my ground, and if he hits me I will hit him I no it will only make him hit me again and harder but at the time I don't care. It stops when I'm to hurt to go back at him. Then he shouts at me how it's my fault and what do I expect if I hit him, I always answer back. You will never rule me or control me nor will I just sit here and allow u to hit me with out fighting back, so ur have to do it properly cos I will keep coming back at you. How stupid am I... So I thought maybe it is me. I won't shout or hit out at all see what happens. And it's happened twice more. The question I have tho is....... Why does he do it. Ok I read it's control. But still is he just evil. Does he really not feel bad? The sorry and passing the blame on me.? Is that not cos he can't deal with it. Everything u read tells u the abuser is just evil basically, and that they plan and fantasise what they do... maybe he does no what he's doin but can't stop??